I have a confession…As a teenager, I was a social schizophrenic.
It’s true. I was totally quiet and shy at school but when I was at church, I was outgoing and in the forefront. At school, I was a dork, got made fun of and didn’t fit in. But at church, I was a leader, a teacher, a singer and had tons of friends.
Why such a stark contrast? Because I let a handful of those kids at school have control. I handed them the remote and told them to click away. And oh how they clique’d.
Truth be told, I was an easy target. I’ve been almost 6 feet tall since the 8th grade, have always been overweight and was the direct opposite of in-style. As a Christian, I wanted to tell other kids about my faith but that would mean actually talking to them, which scared me to death. So, I opted for the next best thing. I wore cheesy Christian t-shirts and carried my Bible around with me everywhere. (You can only imagine how popular I was.)
But at church, it was different. People there were SUPPOSED to be nice to me. I figured they could overlook my lack of style and plenty of chub because, well, Jesus told them to. I felt like I fit in there. They ‘got’ me. Heck, we believed in the same God, went to the same DC Talk concerts, made pacts of abstinence and ventured on terrible road trips together. We were made of the same stuff.
It tore me up to live such double lives, but, I made the choice to let other people control my level of participation and experience.
I have another confession...I can still be a social schizophrenic.
I’m in my mid-thirties and absolutely love it. I’m more confident in who I am as a woman, a mentor, a writer and overall person than I have ever been in my entire life. I’m passionate about my ‘story’ and attempt daily to make a difference and to really make my life count.
HOWEVER, there are those days when I lose my confidence. There are those times when I can’t find the remote control of my life and go searching through the seat cushions of my heart. Then it hits me that I’ve given the control to someone else.
Someone other than the only Someone that matters.
I allow them to bring back old insecurities and listen as they whisper that I’m not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough or thin enough. They ‘click, click, click,’ holding the control as I sit back and wait for them to finish or get bored and move on. Funny thing is…most of the time, they don’t even know (or care) that I’ve given them the control.
When we put our trust, our control and our confidence solely in ourselves or in the hands of other people we will either crumble under the pressure or we will live a life stuck on pause.
For me, my hope and trust is in God and when I GIVE Him control, I know I’m going to be just fine despite my circumstances.
*Have you ever wanted to dance at a concert and didn’t because you were afraid of pointing fingers or giggles?
*Have you ever wanted to tell someone they were attractive or that shirt looks great on them but you thought they might think you’re a weirdo?
*Have you ever downplayed your career because you think it’s boring and that it pales in comparison to what’s-his-name over at whatchamacallits?
*Have you ever really, really wanted to try something new but didn’t because people were looking?
Whew…I sure have.
Here’s a little tip for both of us to keep in mind. Everyone is insecure. Period.
So, let’s quit handing over the remote to other people…and let’s shake our booties, compliment strangers, act goofy in public, take pride in our boring jobs, high-five our friends, help the poor, and dangit, let’s try something new.
(Oh, and if people point and giggle (which they probably will), just remember they’ve given their remotes to someone else and they’re probably just wishing they could shake, shake, shake it like us!)