National What the What Day

There’s a group of people and their job is to sit around a table and name every day as a “national” holiday.

“Good morning, Nation. TODAY is National Blah, Blah, Blah Day!”

I imagine the girls in this group to have long, wavy tangles they pull up in buns held up by #2 pencils and they snack on tidbits of chipped, blue nail polish and dried organic mangoes.

The guys, I imagine, have mussed up hair, but of the unintentional genre, and say things like, “Good one, bro” and tell stories that start with, “Please tell me you have seen (insert movie title that only 6 people have ever seen)…” and end with, “That’s for reals, man.”

They order soy mocha lattes with non-dairy whipped topping on Thursdays, but mostly drink hot tea, green smoothies and triple purified, double oxygenated water.

xvj_how-to-draw-a-zombie-for-kids-tutorial-drawingI’m sure they’re a nice bunch of folks and I probably should send them a hand-made coffee cup cozy with, “Eat Local for Change.” Except, knowing me, I would’ve accidentally (on purpose) added an ‘s’ to the end of local and that superfluous flaunt would’ve had these National Namers chomping on neighbors for a couple of nickels inciting ‘National Zombie Day’. (Author’s Note: I don’t expect it to last more than a day because they live in a small town and frankly don’t go outside all that much.)

All that to say, Today is National Read in the Bathtub Day. bathtub_reader

Thanks National Name Callers. I’m almost 6′ tall and for me to read in a bathtub requires me to perform the far from enjoyable act of teeter tottering between warm knees and a frozen treasure chest. Then you ask me to read while creating my minor teeter totter tsunami?

Do you think I’m some sort of soothsayer?

Reading in a bathtub sounds relaxing and super sexy, but it really boils down to me sitting in a tub I just remembered I hadn’t cleaned in weeks, filled with lukewarm water mixed with soap, dirt and regret while I think about the water I have to sop up off the floor and how weird my knees look and how I wish I had one of those bath pillows, but how if I had one I’d probably fall asleep, slide down into the water and drown. Then, of course, the aromatic candles I lit to create the perfect ambiance would somehow skirt over to the shower curtain and there I’d be drowning and engulfed in flames all at the same time.

Tomorrow is National Cream Cheese Brownie Day.
Let’s just skip the bath and eat a batch of brownies today.

 If you could make up a National Something Day, what would it be?


This is Day 9 of my 100 Days of Blogger.

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